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PostDipost: Sel Mar 18, 2014 8:22 pm 
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One of my parents’ favourite ice-breakers is, “So, have you eaten?” It doesn’t matter what time of day it is or which meal, specifically. Rather than asking each other how we are, we’d end up spending most of the time describing our dinners over the phone.

Like many Asian families, we’d become incredibly proficient at reading cryptic emotional signs. There may not be big hugs and open praise, but once in a while, mum would put an unexpected fried egg in our noodles or dad would try and make conversation by asking us to pronounce, then spell every street name he’s ever had trouble remembering. Those, as we’d try to explain to our friends, are their ‘affectionate’ sides.

From time to time, my sister and I would wonder whether it’s time we started challenging the awkward PDE (public display of emotion) policy at home. But the sheer difficulty of trying to make our parents break character after years of polite reticence would end up holding us back.

Plus, there’s always the possibility that too much affection could backfire. Earlier this year, Global Times reported that young people telling their parents ‘I love you’ over the phone have left many parents ‘bewildered’ and in shock.
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One viral video from Anhui TV station showed what happened after a group of Chinese university students told their parents ‘I love you’ for the first time in their lives. Instead of a montage of hugs and teary faces set to a score of Katy Perry’s ‘Roar’, the declaration of love were mostly met with comments like, “What’s going on?” “Are you drunk?” or as one father put it, “I’m going to a meeting, so cut the crap.”

Peking University sociologist Xia Xueluan explained that the parents' responses reveal Chinese parents “are not good at expressing positive emotions” and “are used to educating children with negative language”. Meanwhile, writers at Business Insiders were quick to attribute the fear of the L word to “Confucian teaching, or the remnants of 20th Century Communism. “

From a sociological perspective, studies have also found that the phrase ‘I love you’ tends to be used less in a high context culture where “expectations are high and well documented”. While in the West (low context society), relationships are often managed with ‘I love you reminders’ to reassure someone of their importance, in high context culture, “intensely personal and intimate declarations can seem out of place and overly forceful.”

But surely those theories alone can’t account for why so many Chinese parents – my own included – don’t find the phrase to be an adequate expression of familial love? An alternative (and more practical) reason could be the formal nature of ‘I love you’ in the Chinese language. For one thing, in English, we can bookend a conversation with a casual ‘love ya’. But the Chinese phrase ‘Wo ai ni’ is more of a blunt and powerful signifier of commitment, rather than affection.

In this sense, the nuance of parental love is often better expressed through action. In a markedly more uplifting video titled ‘Asian Parents and the Awkward ‘I Love You’”, interviewees reveal the various ways their parents attempt to show their love: from the way a father tirelessly provides to the fact that one parent gives her the “good cuts of meat when they go out and eat”.

In all their awkwardness, Chinese parents have a knack of showing their affection with irony. They will scream at you for spending too much money on them. And will fight to their deaths in the middle of a restaurant for the right to get the bill.

As blogger Cindy writes, “Chinese families know how to love fiercely. They do it through immense generosity, unwavering loyalty, and a lot of food. We love differently, not better, not worse, but definitely different.”


source: http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-lo ... 341ws.html

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PostDipost: Sel Mar 18, 2014 9:03 pm 
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pretender menulis:
“are not good at expressing positive emotions”


Count me in.

pretender menulis:
“Chinese families know how to love fiercely. They do it through immense generosity, unwavering loyalty, and a lot of food. We love differently, not better, not worse, but definitely different.”


Setuju, dikeluargaku juga begitu sih ya. Terutama nenek-ku yang memang orang cina asli, beliau enggak pernah menyatakan "I love u" bluntly.

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PostDipost: Sel Mar 18, 2014 11:02 pm 
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Bergabung: Kam Jul 28, 2011 10:02 pm
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Kutipan:
"Chinese families know how to love fiercely. They do it through immense generosity, unwavering loyalty, and a lot of food. We love differently, not better, not worse, but definitely different.”


I love this line, really, apalagi "They will scream at you for spending too much money on them", saat gw dan sodara2 gw membelikan kue ultah, ortu gw malah bilang buang-buang duit dll. Ya memang, gw juga belajar kebudayaan dan budaya timur kita berbeda bgt dgn budaya barat. Karena kita tidak dibiasakan untuk menyatakan apa yang kita rasakan dari kecil. Tapi bukan berarti tidak bagus, perhatian orang tua dari budaya timur menurut gw lebih banyak dan baik dibandingkan budaya barat.

They care their children, but, they just don't tell and show it too often.

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PostDipost: Rab Mar 19, 2014 3:54 pm 
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Aslan menulis:
Kutipan:
"Chinese families know how to love fiercely. They do it through immense generosity, unwavering loyalty, and a lot of food. We love differently, not better, not worse, but definitely different.”


I love this line, really, apalagi "They will scream at you for spending too much money on them", saat gw dan sodara2 gw membelikan kue ultah, ortu gw malah bilang buang-buang duit dll. Ya memang, gw juga belajar kebudayaan dan budaya timur kita berbeda bgt dgn budaya barat. Karena kita tidak dibiasakan untuk menyatakan apa yang kita rasakan dari kecil. Tapi bukan berarti tidak bagus, perhatian orang tua dari budaya timur menurut gw lebih banyak dan baik dibandingkan budaya barat.

They care their children, but, they just don't tell and show it too often.


Di keluarga q juga sama. We just love to eat together, meski sama2 diet. Love you dad, mom, sis, bro :pipimerah:


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PostDipost: Rab Mar 19, 2014 9:00 pm 
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they love us... but in their own way...
sometime I envy when i looked parents can kiss their children... seriously hahaha... selama gue hidup 20++ ga pernah dalam pikiran sadar gue, gue dicium sama mreka... but they love me so much...
contoh paling simple adalah ketika dalam hal materil, mereka ga pernah tanya macem2 terlalu dalam ini buat apa itu buat apa... they just give it to me..
mungkin mereka merasa memang kewajibn mereka kali ya walaupun gue tau keadaan keuangan mereka kyk gimana...
tapi ketika mereka bilang "lagi ga ada" percaya lah bener2 mereka ga ada pake banget atau ngeliat niatan duit itu dipake buat foya2 kyk ganti gadget terbaru padahal baru ganti beberapa bulan lalu, bisa2 di timpukin gelas... hahaha...

gue rasa kalo kebanyakan temen2 gue gitu juga... mungkin anda salah satunya?


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PostDipost: Rab Mar 19, 2014 9:55 pm 
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Bergabung: Rab Jul 20, 2011 8:40 am
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ahhh gw pernah baca ini dan gw langsung kepikiran nyokap gw :mrgreen:

“So, have you eaten?”

itu kata2 nyokap gw.. banget.. -___-

gw pernah marahin nyokap gw soalnya gw uda bosen denger pertanyaan itu, kyk ga ada pertanyaan lain dalam hidup selain makan.. "don't ask that question ever.. I know how to take care of myself and I will definitely eat when I'm hungry" (gw ga pernah skip makanan soalnya.. gw makan teratur hihi)

ehh kyk gitu gw malah dimarahin balik "we ask that because we love you blablabla, why are you so sensitive blablabla, you are so rough blablabla" :mrgreen:

tapi setelah gw baca nih artikel, ternyata masalah kebudayaan juga ya? gw ga pernah terpikir sampai budaya, gw kira emang nyokap gw yang rada aneh :mrgreen:

gw tau sih kalo orang chinese "tough love"nya luar biasa, tapi ga nyangka kalo pertanyaan seperti "uda makan belom" bakal jadi budaya banget.. dan ternyata ga cuman ortu gw doank yak, tapi emang budayanya seperti itu..

oh well.. kalo buat era jaman sekarang dan ke depannya, kalo yang cewe jadi nyokap bakal gitu juga ga ya? hahaha

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PostDipost: Rab Mar 19, 2014 10:09 pm 
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Gw baru kepikiran sih .. Sepertinya, "Have you eaten?" di budaya timur khususnya Chinese, bisa dipersepsikan sama dengan kalimat "I love you" di budaya barat. Baru kepikiran aja tadi, karena sblmnya gw selama ini cuma kepikiran itu nunjukin perhatian dan rasa sayangnya aja (saat dulu gw jg sebel saat ditanya udah makan belum, gw jawab gw bisa urus diri gw sendiri, kalo laper gw bisa makan).

Gw pun sering nonton video2 yg menyentuh hati jg, dan gw mau bagi link Video yang gw rasa bisa mewakili Thread ini. Sejak gw nonton video2 gini dan mulai ngerti bahwa pertanyaan "have you eaten" dari ortu gw menunjukkan perhatian gw, gw jg jadi sering tanya ke ortu gw kalau mereka udah makan/blm jg, karena hal itu lah cara menunjukkan perhatian/sayangnya.



Bisa dilihat di Video ini, ga ada kata "I love you" sama sekali, pelukan saat udah beranjak dewasa, cium, dll. Tapi yang ngga pernah berubah tu ya saat makannya. Begitu jg gw dari dulu - skrg, selalu ditanya "udah makan belum"? Walau kadang terlalu sibuk dan kadang lupa tanya, but it's okay! Hehehe ...

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PostDipost: Jum Mar 21, 2014 9:54 am 
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cultural difference!
as a javanese I can catch some of similarities between chinese and javanese society in revealing love to their children. They have special way to reveal affection, they do it indirectly with some of actions instead of saying "I love you". As a eastern people I can also feel that saying "i love you" is too specific for revealing love to our lover rather than to our family. In this point i have really understood this difference.
finally, thanks for the great article!


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PostDipost: Jum Mar 21, 2014 12:42 pm 
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Ngena banget itu video hahaha.

Yang anggap aja "sudah makan belum?" sebagai ucapan "i love you" secara ngga langsung :D

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PostDipost: Sen Mar 24, 2014 8:15 pm 
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Mungkin org chinese menunjukkan perhatian dalam hal2 kecil yang sering kita anggep remeh...
:pipimerah:


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PostDipost: Sel Mar 25, 2014 12:27 am 
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Nice article, sungguh lebih baik kalau ada yg berkenan menerjemahkan ke dalam bahasa indo, karena tidak semua member gif fasih bahasa inggris. Sayang artikel yg bagus ini dilewatkan oleh member2 yg lain karena keterbatasan bahasa. Thx for nice article

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PostDipost: Sab Okt 08, 2016 10:55 pm 
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Kayaknya hari-hari sekarang ini sudah mulai berubah, temen2 gua mulai manjain anak mereka, gak kayak jaman gua kecil dulu, mereka bilang i love you, pasang foto di facebook, congratulate their kids in their social media..time changes...and it should be better


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